It has come to our attention that you are attempting to set up a satellite dish outside your caravan, presumably to keep up to date with your favourite French soap opera, while still being 'en vacances'. Whilst we would in no way wish to deny you whatever comforts you feel you require away from the safety of your own home and in the dangerous territory of a camping site with no televisions, I feel we should inform you that we were made aware of your activities not by sight, but by the high pitched sound that the aforementioned dish has been emitting incessantly for the past hour. From your bellowing in the direction of your caravan one can only assume your wife has been entrusted with the responsibility of conveying a status message of the picture quality but as we have not seen her yet; and she may have her own reasons for this, that is purely speculation. One might also wonder whether or not it would be wiser to approach the open door of the van to hear her voice if indeed she is to be found inside, rather than attempt to continue a dialogue through a closed window and with the audibly distressing tones of the signal you are so desperately trying to receive causing such an impediment to your aural abilities.
We wish you well in your endeavours and do hope that success is within reach. As an aside, should you feel the need for an interval to your hard work and fancy a chat, we would love to discuss why you have chosen to wear socks with your sandals, purely to understand better if in fact your feet are cold, in which case why closed-toe shoes were not an available option.
The Neighbouring Pitch